Procrastination: why I’m now knowledgeable on male pattern baldness

On my last working day of 2013, instead of ‘getting it (all) done‘, I’m doing what I do best: procrastinating. My Instant Gratification Monkey has so much power that I’m not even close to the Dark Woods, trapped in the Dark Playground (thanks wait but why – yes, I’ve drawn my own diagram of the Dark Playground vs Happy Playground as a desk reminder, which used up at least 10 minutes to get it just right).

I’m pretty good at Eating the Frog, so I’ve managed to complete about three big pieces of work and zero’d my inbox. And since I’m a Pomodoro Technique junkie, I still have my 5-minute or 30-minute breaks to celebrate my frog-eating. However, today I didn’t use them to drink water, get some sunshine, stretch my legs, or even go to the toilet. In celebration of a good year well-spent, I have managed to:

I. Find out all about male-pattern baldness – via Google’s Voice Search (apparently for a drawing idea but really, I’m not sure why), where I discovered Joe Donatelli’s hilarious comb over confession on Cracked.com…and then shared my new found knowledge with my husband, reassuring him that he’s not really that bald;

II. Look at every post my Facebook friends have posted in the last 24 hours (this is pretty bad and very rare);

III. Play games on Lumosity for a long time, on repeat;

IV. Test Voice Search’s ability to handle a Scottish accent with idiotic searches (I wasn’t looking for ‘monkey cheese‘ but it wasn’t far off);

V. Window shop on Uniqlo convinced it will be really, really unbearably cold in London in late January and I should buy everything they have that fits me;

VI. Gross myself out reading about R. Kelly’s horrific treatment of young women, and everyone else’s blase ignorance of the facts;

VII. Lose myself on Yahoo! Pour Elles filling my brain with useful, useful ephemera;

VIII. And then let more of my life pass me by on Cracked.com (your site should be shut down during working hours).

I think if I didn’t meditate every day – which has helped my IG Monkey calm the fork down in a big way – I’d have no ability to focus, would suffer chronic RSI and be unemployed.

My word for 2014 is FOCUS. Wish me luck.

Learning to love my Inner Gratification Monkey

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