I had great plans to write a short piece on how the Internet – and my inability to unplug from the randomness I find online – was sucking my life away. Sadly, two things happened:
1. I was distracted by the comments and reviews for ‘My New Pink Button – Audry’ on Amazon UK. I personally love jemimatrue’s confession that she gets “a sick thrill from skulking around in the shadows, tricking men into [her] beige vagina” Please, you have to stop your real life now and go to the product page. Immediately.
2. I realised that my ability to string together a coherent sentence died when I fully embraced the visual delight that is the modern-day Internet (Pinterest, LostAtEMinor, et al – I’m talking to you). So long Netscape, 10 minutes of listening to that 56k-modem dial-up screech, and cursing the idiot who put an image on his website.
I found this piece from the New Yorker about how Facebook makes us unhappy and, while I’m aware that reading those comments on Amazon gave me at least five minutes of tear-inducing, ab-workout laughter, I probably could have found immense joy doing something else, like finishing that afghan or playing my bass. Idiocracy was prophetic…
Not convinced that losing hours of your life is a problem? Need more distractions? I discovered that someone has invented clothes that disappear when your heart rate increases (for the mildly introverted, like myself, who feel like they’re having heart attacks on a regular basis, this is clearly a terrible idea), and was delighted to learn that I’m not the only one slightly disturbed by Victoria’s Secret models. I also found the Wikipedia page for the Electric Love Hogs in my Google Chrome history (how did that get there? Why do I have no memory of this?) who are actually not that good: listen to The (fantastic) Temperance Movement instead.